Seph, the Paladin of Atheism (r0n1n) wrote,
Seph, the Paladin of Atheism
r0n1n

      So it's been a while since I updated. Almost a year, in fact. So little to say. So little done. Stagnation. I haven't been writing because I've been bored, depressed. My creativity has dried up almost entirely, and I haven't written anything meaningful in months. When I try, nothing comes out. So, sorry to everyone who cares, to my friends at the forum who might miss my stories. I've had internet access back for a little while now, but now I've just got nothing to say.

      Cyn says I should update, let people know how I've been doing. I pretty much just encapsulated it. Still working, as if it need be stated. Applied for maybe a hundred jobs since my last update, had a few interviews, ended up either not taking the job or not getting called back. Couple of them were goddamn carnival games that stretched on for months, but I'm not in limbo at the moment. Interviewed for a spot at a local college making about half-again what I'm making now, and I think I've got a shot at it, but I won't know for a month. Gears turn, slowly. These days it's all playing games and reading and facing the new day a little worse than the one before. Been thinking lately I might be a clinical case, which has scored a chorus of "no shit" from pretty much everyone who knows me. Mean to see a doctor about that, awkward questions and prescription pills.

      I've decided that October is the best month. The days grow weak, the wind grows strong, and everything is pumpkin, the sweetest of the gourds. I cannot get enough fucking pumpkin. And Halloween, too, the only holiday worth a damn to me, the only one where there isn't some implied assumption you'll be spending the day with your loved ones, all of mine being a continent away. I like Halloween because I like to be scared. Real things can scare me, like the thought of losing my job, having to live outdoors again, losing Cyn, my pickup giving up the ghost. Slow poisons, though, a rabbit punch to the chest before having to get up and climb back to my feet. I want mortal terror, lizard brain flight-impulse. I don't feel that, and can't remember the last time I did. That isn't boasting. I wish I could feel that, but I'm too rational for monsters. There's nothing in the dark. But I like it when people try, and once a year, I give people money and they try to make me feel terror, and I find the experience altogether pretty fun. So that's how I spent my holiday.

      The election is tomorrow morning. There's a good chance I'll feel a little better tomorrow night, and a slightly smaller chance I'm going to feel worse. Since I'm not among the wealthiest five percent of the nation's earners, nor am I a bigot, I will, of course, be voting for Obama, which should surprise nobody. And if I was that rich, I'd still vote for Obama, because I sincerely want there to be no possibility that Sarah Palin have a shot at becoming our nation's Commander in Chief. The fact that someone as jingoistic and fearful as Palin could have even made the list of potential candidates makes me want to move far, far away.

      I know it's popular to tell people to get out and vote, to be active in the electoral process regardless of whom they support. I'm not going to say that. If you plan to vote for McCain/Palin, I think you should stay the fuck home. Don't vote. Whether you're an idiot, a spoiled child, or just plain hate "faggits n' niggers", please, please, do not vote. There was a time in this country when voting Republican was not only justifiable, not simply understandable, but a wise position. That time is over. Republicans are spoiled, greedy, jingoistic, bellicose believers in apocalyptic fairy tales, one and all. On my worst day, I will still happily fiddle when the plutocracy they build still around themselves burns to the ground.

      Anyway. I play World of Warcraft now. If any of you play, you should tell me your names and servers.

      Hopefully I'll have another update after the election results are in. Hopefully it'll be a happier one.
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